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To always, always, be. I visited therapists and even spent some time in a mental hospital, trying to fix myself. Trying to get better for him. To be worthy of him. To be good enough. I took the pills they gave me. I worked on my ‘coping skills’. We even visited a marriage counselor. I promised to be a good wife, to listen to him, to keep giving and never, ever stop. After childbearing I found the strain even more difficult. Firstly, my beauty was greatly diminished. Not just my body which everyone sees, but my most intimate areas were negatively affected. My perky breasts drooped, staring sadly at the ground. My nipples, which had been small and peony pink, became large and a depressing taupe. My tight, difficult to enter, vagina was loose, fistable even. My labia turned a brown the color of ruined meat, where they had once been a lovely rose pink. Where there had been a flower, a paradise, there was some sort of goblin. By giving my husband the most precious of gifts, I also. Her husband was a somewhat shy man, with greying whiskers and a receding hairline, but projecting great dignity. Lady Carter brought the couple over to meet Ellen.“Lucy, Jonathan, this is our protégé Ellen Trilby. Ellen dear, these are my best friend Lucy and her husband, Sir Jonathan Wilkes. He is the best surgeon in London, if not in England.”Ellen looked at a well formed blonde woman who exuded vitality and friendliness.“This is the shepherdess who stole poor Richard’s heart? Oh my, aren’t you beautiful! Don’t blush, my dear. I’m not making fun of you. Here, let me hug you.”Ellen found herself in a hug and she could not resist the infectious laughter of Lady Wilkes. She had heard about Lucy Wilkes, or Aunt Lucy, as Richard and Eleanor called her, and she found her every bit as nice as her reputation.The next evening was Midsummer Night. The guests and the local gentry flooded the garden and the garden salon where the music played. Ellen found herself the centre of friendly.
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